Observations by Ryan (aka, "People Watching")

I have spent my past week in Canoa, a small beach town in Ecuador. Here I have had plenty of time to do...absolutely nothing. I don't mean to say that I have had no time but rather to say that there is absolutely nothing to do with the time that I have which is exactly why I chose this place to spend my Christmas vacation. You might think that sounds a little strange, but when I have nothing to do at all I can devote plenty of time to three of my favorite things. Thinking, reading, and observing. So when I sat down to write a blog my three options were, "Philosophy of Life by Ryan," "Book Reviews by Ryan," or "Observations by Ryan (aka, "People Watching"). Trust me, you should be glad that this one came out as the winner. Anyway, everyone who knows me well knows that people watching is one of my favorite pastimes. Airports, bars, sporting events, Wal-Mart, etc., etc., etc. You name the place and I will tell you that people watching is most certainly an option for passing the time. 

I decided the best way to write this would be simply to profile some of my favorite specimens. Okay, so I'm not exactly Charles Darwin but you get the picture. I have to warn you, these are a little bit cynical (okay, a lot cynical) and a little bit exaggerated (okay, a lot exaggerated) but hey, what fun would people watching be if you didn't get to work in a little bit of your own creativity? Anyway, my hope is not to offend anyone because who knows, maybe you are one of these people? My hope is simply to entertain myself, and hopefully others too, with this caricature of the personalities that I've been observing over the last few days. I am not trying to pass judgment and these descriptions do not represent any one person in particular. Rather, they are archetypes of characters that we have probably all come into contact with at one time or another. With any luck, you will be nodding your head in agreement as you picture your own encounters with similar people. Enjoy!

Tribal Tattoo Guy
     The Tribal Tattoo Guy is one of the most prominent of the beach town inhabitants. He can be found everywhere from the lazy little beach town to the large coastal city. I would venture to say that 90% of the time this tribal tattoo is located on the shoulder. In rare cases the tattoo may be located on the chest or back. Either way he will very likely have his shirt off as he is walking through town (usually barefoot) so that everyone can view his extremely meaningful tribal tattoo. (**NOTE: Just because the tattoo is extremely meaningful does not mean that Tribal Tattoo Guy will actually be able to explain what it means. Trust him when he says that things of this nature can not always be put into words.) If for some strange reason Tribal Tattoo Guy is wearing a shirt, he can be identified by his hair. It is ALWAYS long and wavy and streaked with blond. There are no exceptions to this rule. 

Surf Lessons Bro
     The Surf Lessons Bro is another easy to spot local. He can usually be found lurking around bars and restaurants that are geared towards tourists. Often he is also Tribal Tattoo Guy. In any case he wants first and foremost to be your best friend. Small talk is a must. Where are you from? What hostel are you staying in? How long will you be here? Have you tried the piña coladas yet? Etc., etc., etc... Then finally: Do you surf? After this he explains to you that he spends all of his time surfing (although he is never actually seen surfing) and that, as your friend, he would love to teach you to surf as well...for a small fee. It's totally worth it though because THIS beach happens to have the best waves in ________(insert country). Fortunately Surf Lessons Bro can be easily escaped as he is easily distracted by food, reggae music, alcoholic beverages, and shiny things. 

Business Gringo
     The business gringo is one of the hardest to spot from a distance as he is the chameleon of the people watching world. One day he may appear in professional attire and the next day he may appear in board shorts and a backwards baseball cap. His wardrobe conveniently matches that of the people he is doing business with. Up close, however, he is easy to identify. His conversations give him away. Within seconds his clients are also his best friends. They will have to excuse his language at times because he has no other way to describe this "f***ing awesome" deal, but it's okay because they are already practically partners. He will likely use phrases that are ambiguous enough to mean nothing and everything all at the same time (i.e., "We're doing this one Rio style," or "Just like California in the 90s"). On a particularly good deal he will pay for lunch. Don't worry; he'll just put it on his tab. 

Divorcée
     Her name is Marge...or Louise...or Loretta. She wears dark sunglasses. She smokes cigarettes (her voice indicates that this is not a new habit). She is almost always from New Jersey. She is not looking to get married again. She hasn't been here long. Just long enough to find a  nice place to stay and invite the kids down. She is good friends with a local taxi driver although she can't remember his name. She doesn't speak the local language but she speaks very loudly and slowly so that the simple locals will surely understand her. Good help is hard for her to find. It's not the easiest life for her but she gets by. She is only as interested in you as you are interested in her. 

Annual Visitor 
     This guy has ALL of the answers. He comes here every year so he knows everything about the area. And he is willing and ready to share all of his valuable information with anyone and everyone that accidentally forgets to avoid eye contact...For example, he can tell you which restaurant serves the best cheeseburgers, which hostel is showing the NFL on TV, which locals speak English, which market has the best selection of "American" food, where to best observe the "strange local traditions" like selling seashells and cooking a whole chicken! Clearly he has really immersed himself in the culture. So when he sits down next to you and starts talking away (despite your obvious lack of interest), consider yourself lucky to be gaining such priceless insight. 

Local Shop Owner
     (**NOTE: This one might be specific to Ecuador but I had to include it!) First of all let it be known that The Local Shop Owner is selling good things and they are absolutely NOT selling good service. Thus, it is a complete inconvenience for them when you walk into their store. And don't even think about asking a question. They are there to collect your money as you silently exit their store, not to engage in conversation. If, however, there is something that you absolutely cannot manage on your own, a battle of wills must ensue. You will politely try to make eye contact or some sort of motion with your hands signaling that you need assistance while they will impolitely ignore you and busy themselves with other important things such as snapping beans into a basket. If you are persistent enough (sometimes this takes several minutes) you just might elicit a head nod, an eye roll, or in rare cases the Ecuadorian mouth point to guide you in the right direction. Victory. you may collect your things, pay your fee, and exit the store. But you better have exact change...
     
So there you have it. That is what I've been doing with my time over the past week. Productive, right? Sure, I left out some of the usual suspects like "The Study Abroad Girls," "The Gringo That Married a Local," and "The Travel Bum," but those can always be amended later. I still have two more weeks here after all!