Ten days ago as I was saying my final goodbyes to my parents my mom, with tears in her eyes, gave me an article to read. She said, "You don't have to read it now but it might help you understand how I feel." It has been safely folded and tucked away in my backpack since then. I've taken it out several times but I wasn't able to get myself to read it until tonight. The article was written by a mother who was trying to rediscover her "purpose" after her 18 year old son went off to college.
The timing of my reading the article couldn't have been better. After ten days of moving from place to place and finally arriving at Yachana Technical High School on the Napo River in the midst of the Amazon rainforest, I too have been contemplating my own "purpose." Today I taught my first two classes of this year long experience in Ecuador. The preparations for teaching are filled with all kinds of pressure in a regular setting. I'm teaching in an open air classroom, I have very limited resources, I'm unsure of the students' knowledge and abilities, and I'm teaching in a language that is not my own. I was nervous. Despite my nerves, I put on a confident smile and reminded myself that I have been given an opportunity to do something that very few people get to do...
"Hola clase. ¿Como estan?" Class had officially begun. The nerves were gone. Over the next hour I smiled, I laughed, and I enjoyed the kids more than I ever have in any other setting. My Spanish was slow. I made mistakes. No one cared. The students don't criticize. They only want to learn and to have someone to teach them. I felt fulfilled.
Hours later, I'm sitting in my bed under my mosquito net thinking about the day. Music is blaring down below as the kids dance and enjoy one another's company. They don't have much but they have energy, they have each other, and they have a joy for life. I wish everyone could see this place. It would make you feel guilty about any complaints or excuses you have ever made for being unhappy. Including myself. We take for granted all of the "things" that we have. They aren't important. I believe that ultimately what we are all seeking is our "purpose." Maybe it is being a mother, maybe it is teaching students in the jungle, maybe it is something else. Whatever it is, it should make you feel fulfilled. I feel that for the first time.
I know that I am only one day into teaching here. There will be hard times and frustrations ahead. I will have a hard time living here in this setting. I will wonder what on earth made me want to come here. And then I will reflect on the feeling that I had today. I'm not saying that this is my "purpose" or that this will be the only thing in my life that makes me feel this way. I'm young and there are a lot of things that I am yet to experience. But for now, I'm going to take this experience for all that it is worth and soak it in. Any doubts that I had about coming here have subsided. I know that I made the right decision and for now, this is my purpose.
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